I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
