I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
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I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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