so let's talk penis.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
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We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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