She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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