apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So much Jack, so little girl.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
