dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
