my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
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My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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