No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
