He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
