I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize