and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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