Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
