he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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