It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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