Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You ate ashes out of my bong
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
