thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
