I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
