I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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