one two three fourrrrnication!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
