You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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