I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
