do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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