You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize
