They should really pass out barf bags in church
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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