Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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