Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
