I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
