Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
