my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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