Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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