The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
