so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
