she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
