I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
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2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
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its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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