i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
