i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
