Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
