First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
