well I can't set my house on fire every night
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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