i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
