Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
