we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
