You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
