if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
