dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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