so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My balls are so social today.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
