Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i drank out of a bidet.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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