I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
