Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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