if you like me you must not know who I am
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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