It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
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Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
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She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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