Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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