I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
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He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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