I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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