Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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