Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
