yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
