mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
