Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
