haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
