One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My vagina just recognized that song.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
