my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
