Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
